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Struggling with my weight

This is a story about me, whose struggling with my body weight for the past decade. When I was in primary school, I was a bright and active kid, quite athletic I should say. I did sports, I loved running and I even dreamed about representing my school for running competition. Then puberty hit and I entered secondary school. Hormones kicked in and I was no longer interested or active in sport. I was a different person than I was in primary school. I became so shy that I got ridiculously nervous and sweating when I talked to male friends. Like super shy.

One significant thing about puberty was, you (in this case, I) started to gain weight. I shall say I was doing fine back then, I’ve gained some good weight but it was okay,considering my height. I was 15, height – 5’4″ and my weight was 53kg at that moment. Pretty good right?

Nop. At least not to people around me. People started to call me fat, chubby, big kid. I have 2 older sisters who were (still are) shorter and smaller than me. I think I take more on my father’s gene, I was more built up and appeared strong and tough, which makes the the teases and critics going.

Oh well, you can’t blame a teenager for taking it seriously when people talk about your body shape. You may think it’s a simple thing, it’s not actually. I ended up living by believing that I’m always fat, chubby, big kid.

In 2007,the hormones started to get balanced and I entered university weighed around 58 kg. With the height of 5’5″, I think it was pretty good. But I can never felt good about it. Again, I felt inferior whenever my body weight or shape is concerned. I met this friend, who is underweight. She’s quite a bully when I think about it now. She didn’t realize how she always told/ made me feel that I was so overweight. Ironically, she often told me she feels sad when being called anorexic/underweight. Funny isn’t it?

Being me, I was so affected by the comments and when I’m sad, I can’t help but looking for comfort in food. Throughout the study, I’ve been gaining and losing weight till I reached quite a constant body weight for year, which was during my final year in university. I was 63 kg. People still labeling me as fat girl but I didn’t really bother anymore, I’ve built a big wall to defend myself. I’ve graduated with 5kg increment on my body weight as compared to when I was in first year.

Then early last year, thank god I got my first job and my perspective about life has improved. I’m no longer think too much about what people say, it’s my life, my body, my business. One day, I was looking through my Facebook photos and saw the pictures from my second year in university. I was surprised. I was thin! I was in good shape, but why I can’t see it before? I never pictured myself as someone with an average body when I actually was! I was so angry when I realized I was being cruel to myself! I let people make me believe according to what they think I was. I was devastated, really.
I hate what people did to me. I hate myself more for letting it to happen. Even though if I was indeed an obese person, I shouldn’t get it to me. I should be myself.

I love what the TV anchor said in the video, she is an inspirational, she stood up to those who bullied her by calling her fat & other mean words. Be strong, be bold!

To everyone who read this, you might feel the same thing like I did or like she did. Anyway please, be yourself. Be a better you. But bear in mind, I didn’t say you or I should remain that way, but if you choose to be thinner /healthier or prettier, do it for your own sake. Lose some weight for the sake of your health, for the years ahead you. Not because someone told you too. Not for them. They don’t deserve you. Surround yourself with people that motivates you. I’m on my journey to the healthier me. It won’t be easy but I’ll do my best. You can do your best too.

All the best 🙂

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2 thoughts on “Struggling with my weight

  1. I’m on that journey too and good luck to you! It’s so crazy how that can happen. Whether it’s through others comments or your own thoughts, when you think poorly about yourself all the time but look back to past and see “wow it wasn’t even as bad then as it is now” that’s a shocking feeling!

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